Jonesy's Jukebox - Transcription Page

Jonesy's Jukebox 19th December 2005
Guest: Glen Matlock and The Philistines

Glen Matlock and The Philistines visit the box. First broadcast on 19.12.05.

Present: Glen Matlock. Steve Jones. Mark Sovel. AKA. Mr. Shovel. Later joined by the Philistines, Chris Musto, Koozie Johns, Ray McVeigh. Then by Tracey Ullman and her children, Johnny and Mabel. It was unclear as to when or even if this broadcast would take place. Steve had been very ill with a flu virus. It was the last Jonesy's Jukebox before the Christmas holiday and was very noisy and chaotic in places - particularly once all the Philistines and Tracey had come into the studio.

Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 1031. On a lovely Monday mornin', with my pal Glen Matlock.

Glen: Howya doin' there, Stevie boy?

Steve: How are you?

Glen: I'm all right.

Steve: Oh look, you bleedin' pulled the headphones out again.

Glen: I pulled the headphones out. Here we go.

Steve: Get it out, between your legs, there you go.

Glen: The headphone called you in.

Steve: Yeah. (coughs) I had the worst bleedin' flu last week.

Glen: So I've heard. You don't look that good.

Steve: No.

Glen: Not like your normal, glowing kind of…

Steve: Yeah…

Glen: …L.A. self.

Steve: Well I just come in here for you.

Glen: I very much appreciate it.

Steve: Yeah?

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: How much do you appreciate it, Glen?

Glen: I'll show you later.

Steve: Really?

Glen: If you get…

Steve: I love that about you (laughs). So you've been out here like a week now, right?

Glen: Yeah, we've been out, we've been doing a few gigs around the L.A. area. We come here last Monday and we've been up to San Francisco and down to San Diego and some places that I'm not quite sure where they are, but we went and played and come back and just kind of knocking the band into shape for our Knitting Factory show tonight.

Steve: You and the Philistines.

Glen: The Philistines.

Steve: Who else is in the band?

Glen: Who's in the band? There's Chris Musto, he's been a mate of mine for years. Used to play with Johnny Thunders amongst other people, good drummer…

Steve: So he never got paid, then?

Glen: He never got paid then. I think he got around a little bit. Um, Koozie Johns on rhythm guitar and vocals…

Steve: Koozie Jones?

Glen: Johns.

Steve: Oh.

Glen: Koozie Johns…and Ray McVeigh, your old mucker from The Professionals' days.

Steve: Yes…big mouth.

Glen: Um, (tactfully) he's got a few things to say for himself.

Steve: They're going to be here on the second hour.

Glen: Yeah, they're supposed to be coming in. Ray says he knows the way, so if he says he
knows the way, he must know the way.

Steve: He did used to live here and he's been up here twice, so if he don't…

Glen: That should be all right then. We'll we're here, we can get on with it.

Steve: We don't need them.

Glen: Don't need them.

Steve: In fact, if you're listening, why don't you stay at home. You needn't bother coming.

Glen: What do you think?

Glen: Nah, let 'em come.

Steve: I knew you'd let 'em come…

Glen: They're a good bunch. The thing I like about this band, is you know, sometimes you got people in the band, it's four blokes playing, but sometimes it just clicks and the chemistry is more, the total is more than the sum of the parts…

Steve: I hear ya, I hear ya…

Glen: …and we've got that, you know? So, we have a laugh…

Steve: I hear you went down to…

Glen: …we kind of have to really, at the moment. (laughs)

Steve: You're not making any dough, right?

Glen: Eh, just about breaking even on doing it, but we like playing, you know, so it's kind…

Steve: Well, that's one thing I like about you. You just keep going. You like to play, don't you?

Glen: I like to play, I write songs, I want the people to hear them, so…

Steve: Do you write the songs that make the world go round? (Steve quotes lyrics from "I write the songs." A hit in 1975 for Barry Manilow, written by Bruce Johnson).

Glen: Maybe, we'll see. I've had my moments.

Steve: Do you write the songs that make the young girls cry?

Glen: Yeah, that's the ones. Makes most people cry when they hear me sing actually. (laughs)

Steve: (laughs) When they hear you sing?

Glen: I heard you, what'd you call it? "Loud, proud and wrong". That's me, I don't care.

Steve: You don't care. That's gonna come out again. (headphones)

Glen: That's gonna come out again…

Steve: What're you doing, putting it between your legs?

Glen: This could be our running gag. It just goes there. The chair moves and it goes there.

Steve: Jesus.

Glen: That's why it was all um…

Steve: Come a little bit closer, then.

Glen: (pause) Is it safe?

Steve: Yeah, it's perfectly safe. That's it…that's it…push…okay.

Glen: I'll try not to wriggle too much Steve. I heard you like that, in a fella.

Steve: What was I going to say? So you're playing tonight, Knitting Factory.

Glen: Yep.

Steve: You doing any Pistols songs?

Glen: We might slot one or two in, keep people 'appy. I mean, if I went to see Bowie, and he
didn't play, "Heroes", I'd be a bit miffed.

Steve: That's your favorite Bowie song?

Glen: Yeah, I think it's one of my all-time favorite songs, actually. You got any favorites?

Steve: Yeah that's a good one. Oh, there's so many, Bowie songs.

Glen: Newer ones or older ones?

Steve: Um, I like his version of…

Glen: You know what should be your favorite, by rights? The one that's got the bitter came out on the stolen guitar…("Well the bitter comes out better on the stolen guitar". A lyric from Hang Onto Yourself on the 1972. Ziggy Stardust album)

Steve: Oh, don't worry mate…

Glen: …I told him that one time…

Steve: What'd he say?

Glen: …when I was playing with Iggy. Well, he annoyed me, I was playing with Iggy Pop in about 1979, and he came down to a rehearsal. Well there was this track on the album, called, "Billy Is A Runaway" and it had all kind of slap bass playing in which weren't really my forté, and I just got it together and Bowie walked in, in this sort of basement…bluuuuhhh sort of fell off, you know, the cheese fell off the cracker. Then we had a break and we was having a chat, and then he said,

"Oh, you used to be in the Sex Pistols, didn't you?"

…and I said, "Yeah" and he went,

"The Noble Savage".

And I thought, "You sod…" You know, really dismissive kind of thing.

Steve: Really?

Glen: Yeah, so I kind of reminded him about his microphones, and he was livid and he was going to like, really say something and I said,

"How's that song go, David? The bitter that came out (better) about the stolen guitar?

And he couldn't say nothing.

Steve: "That sounds better…" Exactly.

Glen: But he wrote all about that when he was…

Steve: But that's where I got it from. He made me do it!

Glen: He did, yeah.

Steve: He made me steal that stuff.

Glen: He "talked it on" as they say in the West Country.

Steve: Be careful what you say in lyrics, you know what I mean?

Glen: It might just come true, like dreams, ain't they?

Steve: They are.

Glen: What's that, "South Pacific"? "if you don't have a dream, how do you expect to have a dream to come true?". (These are the lyrics from Happy Talk) Or a lyric.

Steve: Yeah. Something like that, yeah, right.

Glen: Yeah alright, I'll shut up.

Steve: Um…

Glen: As we were…

Steve: So we're big Faces fans.

Glen: We're big Faces fans. I think if it weren't for The Faces, I don't think we would have got together in the first place.

Steve: That was definitely our common bond at the beginning. It gave us something to play together. We both…

Glen: When I was in Malcolm's shop, when I was working there…

Steve: What year was that, '95? I mean, '75?

Glen: '74, maybe…

Steve: '74…

Glen: …really early…

Steve: …you was working on, just on the weekend?

Glen: I was working on the Saturdays.

Steve: What was it called then, Let It Rock?

Glen: It was called "Let It Rock", or "Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Die" before it became "Sex."

Steve: How did you meet Malcolm? You just walked in there?

Glen: I used to work at Whiteley's…

Steve: Yeah, on Queensway.

Glen: …which was a department store.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: A crowd of mates from school used to work there, like Saturday jobs and we worked there on a Friday night and all, and on a Friday night we worked and then I went out, we all went out to see some band…

Steve: (lets out a huge belch)

Glen: …an all-night concert…

Steve: Yeah?

Glen: …and got kind of a bit loaded in that time, and went straight to work the next morning and in the store, they had this really weird compressed air system that - nobody dealt with money - you had to put it in these tubes that whooshed it up to the head office. Well, okay, I went in and sold a couple of pairs of trousers. But this kind of being up all night caught up with me. So I was putting the money into these docket things, but I didn't put the sales slips in. So within about five minutes, the whole store was in total chaos 'cause there was all this money going everywhere and they didn't know what department it come from and I knew I was gonna be rumbled. So, I split early that day and then later on that week I'd heard there was a shop down the King's Road that sold creepers and I wanted to get a pair of creepers. And I found a shop, walked in there and really dug it. It was like walking into your granny's front…

Steve: living room.

Glen: (Continuing) room from the Fifties, old radiogram and all that

Steve: Couch.

Glen: …and I just said, "Do you need anybody to work here?" and as it happened, it wasn't Malcolm there at the time, it was some bloke there who said, "Well, actually, we do.". And it was cool because I wasn't hardly getting any money at Whiteley's and I doubled me money working there, didn't have to start…oh, first day I went in…remember that bird, um…who was that red-headed bird who used to work, the young girl?

Steve: Lynn no…red-headed bird…

Glen: Yeah, she used to dye her hair red.

Steve: I don't remember.

Glen: 'Er, anyway…first day I went down there, I got down there at ten when I thought she was supposed to be there. Midday she turns up, she said to me, "Glen there's no point coming in 'til at least twelve, 'cause I always have a late night on a Friday night." I thought, well…" 'andsome." (Handsome).

Steve: Yeah.

Glen That was it. It was a laugh in there, it was cool. All the weirdos from all of London used to come in, and you guys who I saw it was my job to stop nicking things.

Steve: Do you remember when I first came in there?

Glen: Vaguely. I mean remember I was…

Steve: I was very aloof when I was on the pinch. ("On the pinch" Shoplifting).

Glen: Well then maybe you weren't on the pinch, because you didn't seem that aloof then to me.

Steve: So you remembered me then, when we came in.

Glen: I remember you coming in, but always mob 'anded ("mob handed," with a crowd of people) with Wally and Paul. I don't think Hayesey or Jimmy McCracken came in…

Steve: Mackin.

Glen: Mackin.

Steve: God rest his soul.

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: And uh, and then, how long did that go on?

Glen: Oh, I dunno, it seemed like years.

Steve: I used to drive McLaren around there.

Glen: Didja?

Steve: Yeah, because he couldn't drive.

Glen: Not straight away, though.

Steve: No. It was a green Mini. I used to drive it. It was Vivienne's. (Vivienne Westwood).

Glen: Right, okay. But they bought that while I was there, cos they used to have some beat-up old um…

Steve: Right.

Glen: …Fifties motor, which was massive and Vivienne couldn't drive.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: There was this over guy, Vic, he used to do chores…chores, you know, making the sign out in the front, that Sex sign, when it became Sex.

Steve: When it…Pink plastic…Sex, yeah.

Glen: But when Vivienne got the Mini Minor or whatever it was, motor. Vic was driving up the motorway, Well I was driving somewhere with her and she's got it in first gear and she's doing about forty mile an hour…

Steve: Didn't know how to change gear?

Glen: Well, no, I said, "Vivienne, you've got to change gear." And she said, "No, Vic told me it's good for the engine, it's the way to run the engine in…" totally stitching her up and she believed him! So I thought, "yeah I bet he did an' all." So he was a laugh. It's gonna come out again…innit (referring to headphone).
The rest of the interview transcribed by Chriswasanon.

Steve: Oh I know, just put it round the side of yer leg. There ya go.

Glen: Put it round me neck. Can you hold it for me?

Steve: Um…interesting.

Glen: This is the headphone lead.

Steve: That's interestin' cos I forget a lotta things and then er…

Glen: Oh I should think there's things I remember that you can and…

Steve: Started hangin', we started hanging out right, I remember bein' in Wally's bedroom playin' Faces songs.

Glen: Right, well there you go. I remember you guys comin' into the shop and I overhearing that you were saying that you had this band but you had this bass player who was Paul's brother-in-law or something.

Steve: Del Doones.

Glen: Del? An' he weren't turnin' up an' he weren't takin' it seriously enough and my ears pricked up then or I overheard and I said, "Look I play bass." And Malcolm turned around and he said:
"Do you?" And I said yeah, I was kinda learnin'.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: And you guys said, and you said:

"What bands do you like?"

And I said The Faces.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen And then it was arranged that I come round to Wally's and you said:

"What bass you got?"

Glen: And I had some real 'orrible. It weren't even a proper bass it was like a guitar what someone had taken off six strings and put four on so I got it out but it was painted to look like a Fender Mustang with a stripe on it.

Steve: Right.

Glen: Got it for like ten quid at school. And you went, "That's not a bass." and you reached under Wally's bed and you went:

"Now that's a bass.

You know that thing in "Crocodile Dundee," where he done…

Steve: Yeah with a knife.

Glen: Yeah and there's this spanking Fender Precision came out.

Steve: Where did that come from?

Glen: I dunno.

Steve: Exactly.

Glen: I don't wanna know Steve.

Steve: Exactly.

Glen: There's certain silence with fings.

Steve: Is that…

Glen: Ask David Bowie.

Steve: Did you get that, did you keep that bass?

Glen: No.

Steve: Where did that bass go?

Glen: You kept it?

Steve: But where did that bass go, the one you had, where did that come from? You bought that eventually.

Glen: What the one

Steve: You used a Rickenbacker at first didn't you.

Glen: I bought a Rickenbacker, the one that you got what was coming from under the bed which looked like a fantastic Fender and all that, was actually a plank.

Steve: A plank?

Glen: It weren't that good to play.

Steve: Oh it weren't, I remember it, I remember it.

Glen: It was brown stripped down one.

Steve: But where did you get your one?

Glen: I bought it.

Steve: Ok.

Glen: From Rokers (Could be Ropers?) next door.

Steve: So you didn't get anyfing off me then?

Glen: No. I know better than that.

Steve: Yeah and then we started and then we started messin' about playin' Faces. Then we went…Wally had that bleedin' er…

Glen: Yeah, the Riverside Studios.

Steve: His dad had the key to that Riverside Studios.

Glen: Got the key cut and…it was like an Aladdin's cave in there with equipment. Paul had um…

Steve: We did one show didn't we? And I'll tell you where it was.

Glen: I know where it was, go on.

Steve: Salter's Kaff.

Glen: Café, Café.

Steve: And I freaked out, cos I had to sing an' that, I was terrified, do you remember that?

Glen: What did we play?

Steve: I don't even remember. I think, "Did You No Wrong," I think.

Glen: Well that was like the first song.

Steve: Yeah the different lyrics. (Pause). But that was the first…

Glen: "Scarface."

Steve: Yeah, how did that go?

Glen: (Singing). "Scarface, scar from ear to ear. Scarface the girls don't even care."

Steve: I don't even remember.

Glen: Wally's dad wrote those lyrics, you know that?

Steve: I don't remember but I was so terrified, I don't think I even… do you remember it?

Glen: Very vaguely.

Steve: That was our one show, weren't it as Kutie (or QT) Jones and the Sex Pistols weren't it?

Glen: Kutie Jones and the Sex Pistols.

Steve: Terrible.

Glen: (Laughs). Gotta start somewhere.

Steve: Yeah I guess so. And then the…

Glen: But that was a long time before Rotten.

Steve: Yeah and then we rehearse…what year was that? That was like

Glen: I mean I reckon that was '74.

Steve: '75.

Glen: Late '74 early, '75.

Steve: Well! It was me, you Cookie and Wally.

Glen: And then Wally went.

Steve: Wally got the chop.

Glen: Cos Malcolm went to New York to do something with the Dolls and he said, "Get rid of Wally." And he came back and we still had 'im.

Steve: Yeah. Well we needed a place to rehearse.

Glen: Yeah, exactly.

Steve: That was more convenient than getting rid of Wally.

Glen: Yeah but they had that little Lover's Lane down the side, didn't they? Don't you remember that?

Steve: I used to go down there and 'ave a polish ("Have a polish." masturbate) lookin' at 'em.

Glen: Well we couldn't, we couldn't find you at a certain time every day.

Steve: (Laughs).

Glen: And Steve would disappear? And we followed 'im once and he was like peepin' out the winder and these people had pulled up in a motor down this cul-de-sac…

Steve: Having it off ("Having it off." Sexual intercourse).

Glen…And cos you did that, they called the rozzers and the rozzers turned up.

Steve: That's the Police.

Glen: And saw…

Steve: Me 'aving a pedal? (Probably another word for masturbating).

Glen: No, they saw that and they clocked ("Clocked." saw or noticed) all the stuff that was in there and we had to split.

Steve: Oh.

Glen: Oh.

Steve: All that stolen equipment.

Glen: And then cos we had to split anyway, that's when Wally went.

Steve: Ah, see. We was just usin' 'im weren't we?

Glen: We was, I mean we were taking him for granted.

Steve: Look at the poor sod though, he was 'ardly like you know, Jimmy Page lookin' was he?

Glen: He's, no he wasn't.

Steve: He made Buddy Holly look…

Glen: I ain't got the best teeth in the world but his teeth were rotten.

Steve: Look like dog ends, cigarette butts…and the bins. ("bins" glasses).

Glen: But he could play better than most of us…

Steve: He reminded me of…

Glen:…at that stage. He had that Ron Wood thing right down.

Steve: Absolutely, he, if he had a different head on his body he would have been alright. He looked like the Geezer from Mud, that guitarist from Mud, that's what he reminded me of.

Glen: He always reminded me of, you know that movie, the Italian Job? Well you got Noël Coward in the Prison…

Steve: Right.

Glen:…who's directin' everything from and it was like Wally cos he's told me he said to you,
"I dunno why Steve's goin' round getting' ladies handbags and things, he should get guitars."

Glen: I dunno if that's true or not but he saw himself as this kind of directorial genius.

Steve: Where do you think he got that guitar he had?

Glen: Well you know where he got that…

Steve: Way before he had the idea of me nicking guitars pal.

Glen: Well there you go, that's what he told me. But he saw himself as Noël Coward in the Italian Job.

Steve: One of the saddest things I think I ever had with Wally was years later after giving him the boot, he was guitar roadying for the Clash.

Glen: Right.

Steve: Talking about the old, Pete Best. Is it Pete Best, or the other bloke? (The Beatles famously sacked Pete Best).

Glen: I wouldn't know.

(Both laugh merrily).

Steve: You know, just, ah, that must have been 'orrible for him. And then he,

Glen: Tony Sheridan, that's the other bloke.

Steve: Yeah. And then he OD'ed didn't he, he killed… in 95.

Glen: In '96.

Steve: I wonder if he did that deliberately, cos all his family, didn't they all die?

Glen: I didn't really know his family that well, I knew his dad, his dad…

Steve: It was all dodgy, they all died. Weird!

Glen…was a bit of a handful, weren't he?

Steve: He was a villain weren't he. (Leonard?) Hell of a villain.

Glen: Is that kinda "pot" "kettle" "black," kinda thing? (laughs).

Steve: Yeah, bleedin' thieves, keep 'em away from me. Want nuffin to do wiv 'em! Shall we play a song?

Glen: Yeah, what shall we play?

Steve: I'll tell you what we are goin' to play. We're goin' to play "Pretty Vacant."

Glen: Are we? Go on then.

Steve: Take it away Mr. Shovel.

Plays Pretty Vacant by The Deltones.

Steve: You're listenin' to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with Mr. Glen Matlock in the studio.

Glen: That's me. Sat, sittin' 'ere.

Steve: How are ya Glen?

Glen: Pretty good.

Steve: That was Ronnie Wood from an album, "I've got my own album to do."

Glen: I like that!

Steve: And that song was called, "I can feel the fire."

Glen: Took me right back. We used to play that.

Steve: With Nick Kent.

Glen: With Nick Kent, over and over and over again.

Steve: Who's Nick Kent? No one knows.

Glen: Nick Kent was like the Lester Bangs of England. Anybody know who Lester Bangs is these days?

Steve: Yeah, the writer.

Glen: Yeah. Well he was a kind of English one.

Steve: Who looked like…who thought he was Keith Richards.

Glen: Thought he was Keith Richards.

Steve: He used to go out with Chrissie Hynde, when Chrissie used to work in the shop. (See "Chrissie Hynde visits the box transcript" on the jukebox transcriptions page for more info).

Glen: Until he walloped her one but we won't say anything about that.

Steve: Until I got hold of her.

Glen: Which is how I got…oh anyway, never mind that! But Nick was quite a cool guy, he gave us the tape that had Roadrunner on it sorta six months before it came out.

Steve: Did he?

Glen: Do you remember that? That's why we did it. He had that cos he was mates with John Cale who produced their demos and the album then came out.

Steve: I don't remember that.

Glen: That's what happened.

Steve: I remember goin' down to Brighton once

Glen: Ohhhh.

Steve: With a certain someone who knew John Cale.

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: You do understand don't you?

Glen: I do but I thought that was our little secret.

Steve: I ain't said nothing though.

Glen: Mmm, no, no you 'aven't

Steve: I remember lookin' in the window as well. (Laughs).

Glen: I do remember. I remember sayin', "What yer drawin' the curtains for?" "It'll be nice when the sun comes up in the morning, nobody will look through the curtains!"

(both laugh).

Steve: That was funny, funny stuff.

Glen: And then Steve's goin',

"You don't wanna do it like that!"

Steve: Is that like somethin' you don't wanna talk about?

Glen: (Non committal noise).

Steve: Does it matter?

Glen: I forget.

Steve: Eh?

Glen: I forget. I think the peepin' through the windows is about the size of it.

Steve: OK.

Glen: That'll do, we'll leave it there.

Steve: OK. then.

Steve: Before that was Jonathon King. Mr. Noncey 'imself ("Nonce". Paedophile) doin'…

Glen: Purportedly. Or no actually he…he got put inside (imprisoned).

Steve: No he got nicked!

Glen: No he got nicked yeah.

Steve: What are you talkin' about?

Glen: Well I just wanna clear that up.

Steve: Four years he went away for, didn't he? For under-age boys, weren't it?

Glen: Right.

Steve: "Everyone's gone to the moon." Jonathon King, that was the name of that song and I think the geezer in your band who's comin' 'ere had a little ah, "encounter with 'im, didn't he?

Glen: Chris Musto I mean no smoke without fire. He said when he was 'bout seventeen he was 'itch 'ikin' (hitch-hiking) somewhere and this Rolls Royce pulled up and it was Jonathon King and he got in and a couple of miles down the road, sure enough…

Steve: The old hand comes across.

Glen: Yeah that's it. And the hand came across and he had to be asked to be let out - which he did, so nothing 'appened but. You know.

Steve: See?

Glen: Chris is a good family man, you know, he wouldn't.

Steve: Not for ten quid?

Glen: No.

Steve: Ten bob?

Glen: No,

Steve: I saw a documentary on 'im, on Gary Glitter last week, from BBC.

Glen: What's it called, "Birds of a Feather," (Brit Stitcom).or something?

Steve: I don't know what it's called and they interviewed Jonathon King and he's like…and the guy said, "Are you still - you know - doin' things?" He said, "Oh, I'm sixty now, I don't 'ave a sex drive." Which is complete nonsense, loads of blokes still get it, you know, basically, I think the guy's in denial about his problem but. What do you think?

Glen: I think he…more like. I was (?) my 'air cut not that long ago and he turned up in the chair behind me and I over'eard 'im talkin' and there was a guy in England called Jeremy Thorpe who could have possibly been Prime Minister one day but he got caught up in one of those kind of scandals with a…("Jeremy Thorpe". Former leader of the Liberal Party 1967-1976)

Steve: With a rent-boy, right? ("Rent boy" young male prostitute).

Glen: With a rent-boy, he spilled the beans on 'im and then he 'ad purportedly tried to get 'im bumped off.

Steve: Really?

Glen: Yeah, no there was a big court case.

Steve: No, I'm sure I wouldn't put it past…

Glen: And they 'ad all these names for each other like, "Bunny" and like "Rabbit" and all that kind of like…

Steve: Yeah. Noncey.

Glen: Noncey, yeah. Noncey (Gardener?) and stuff "Noncey Bunny."

Steve: Percy.

Glen: Yeah, "Percy" but anyway, I was having my hair trimmed at the back, I overheard Jonathon King sayin.' "Oh well, Jeremy Thorpe was much maligned and I can totally identify with him." (pause) Yeah, I bet you can.

Steve: Yeah. He's got a funny lookin' mouth Jonathon King, ain't he.

Glen: He's got…It's all like (gesture accompanies this).

Steve: I wanna smack it.

Glen: There's somethin' about 'im that is 'orrible.

Steve: Yeah?

Glen: Slimy, greasy.

Steve: I think you've 'ad it off with 'im!

Glen: Get out of it!

Steve: I think he got you, talkin' about, I think if the story was true…

Glen: I know too much, your telling me?

Steve: You was the one he picked up in the Rolls Royce and that hand came across and you said…

Glen: Well when Chris…

Steve: "Where's the money?" (Loudly). "Money first!"

Glen: Oh Steve, you know me better than that surrrrely???

Steve: Hmmm.

Steve: "Where's the lollipop?" "Let's do it right, where's the lollipop first?"

Glen: (Reply drowned out by Steve's cough).

Steve: (Finishing reading out the titles of the previous set of songs played) That was "Pretty Vacant," by the Deltones.

Glen: Well shades of Sha-na-na there, I liked that.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: I wished they hadn't laughed in it though, played it straight. Found it a bit…

Steve: I know.

Glen: That reminded me though, did you go to Hammersmith Odeon that time we all went to see Shanana and Vivienne Westwood got up on stage…drunk?

Steve: Everything's a blur. Drunk, yeah.

Glen: And then wouldn't get off and she 'ad to be escorted off the stage and then ended up with like Malcolm with his head in his hands goin' "Oooh no." It was a bit embarrassin'.

Steve: I was with you?

Glen: (I've a) feelin' we all kind of went kind of mob handed.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: Bernard. (Probably Bernie Rhodes).

Steve: Well when we come back we're gonna do a little bit of jammin' yeah?

Glen: Yeah let's do that.

Steve: We're gonna visit the Duke, right now. We're here with Glen Matlock.

Glen: That's me.

Steve: Bass player, original Sex Pistols. Why do people always say, this is something what I can't understand when they put like bits in papers, (US. Accent) "Oh Glen Matlock or Steve Jones of ex-Sex Pistols."

Steve: But I mean didn't we get back together in '96?

Glen: We got back together again and you never know…

Steve: And we haven't said we've broken up since then, have we?

Glen: No. Well we haven't said we've broken up since then.

Steve: No one has.

Glen: I thought John said it.

Steve: Well he always says it but that don't mean anything.

Glen: Yeah I know.

Glen: Perhaps their just givin' 'im the benefit of the doubt.

Steve: But why do they always say that?

Glen: I dunno, that's just one of those things they do in papers have you noticed when they have somebody's…

Steve: When the Rolling Stones don't play for five years, they don't say, "Ex member Rolling Stone Keith Richards."

Glen: No cos they know damn well that they will come back. Cos they know they've got their heads screwed on as far as tourin' and makin' money is concerned.

Steve: Well I think that…

Glen: It's one of those things in the papers though.

Steve: I think they 'ad a few more songs than us though Glen.

Glen: (Thoughtfully) Well, I think there was the potential there.

Steve: You know what I mean?

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: We 'ad twelve songs…which is not bad

(Sounds like Mr. Shovel having a little chuckle).

Glen: It was thirteen actually, thirteen.

Steve: Not bad for being put in the Hall of fame for that.

Glen: The Hall of fame?

Steve: For twelve songs.

Glen: What you mean like you and what I am in now?

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: We're official inductees.

Steve: Yeah we're in.

Glen: Have you got the badge yet? You get a badge don't you? (US. Pin.)

Steve: No I've got the merit mark ("Merit mark". School system of giving "merits" to good students for punctuality, good attendance, working hard etc.)

Glen: Oh alright.

Steve: We're in whether we go or not, we're in. That's it. We're in! Nuffink cannot make us in now.

Glen: They can't take it away if we…

Steve: Well maybe if we do something.

Glen: …don't do our homework or something…

Steve: Like if we really coated off ("coated off". Insulted) the geezer at Rolling Stone right now maybe that would…

Glen: Which one?

Steve: I dunno, wassisname the geezer? The one who - can't remember it's his thing innit, the Rock and Roll hall of fame, the bloke who come out with Rolling Stone, what's his name. Johnny Schwarz, I dunno.

Glen: There was a guy called Ralph Gleeson who was something to with Rolling Stone, back in the day, I know cos you know I did my book, "I was a teenage Sex Pistol" (Omnibus 1990) it got nominated for the Ralph Gleeson award in New York which was run by one of the guys who set up Rolling Stone.

Steve: Really?

Glen: And he was like the Lester Bangs before the Lester Bangs, so's I've been told.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: But I dunno where that's leadin', we'll leave it at there shall we?

Steve: Alright, we're gonna visit the…

Glen: Just to suffice to say we're Rock 'n' Roll hall of fame inductees, right?

Steve: We are.

Glen: We are.

Steve: We're both in there, us ex-Sex Pistols.

Glen: Us ex-Sex Pistols.

Steve: We're in the 'all of fame. In it for the money - and the birds after the show.

Glen: Well there you go.

Steve: We're gonna visit the Duke. Thanks for listenin'

Short advertising break.

They return.

Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1. Yeah. Mr. Glen Matlock in the studio.

Steve: Hello Glen

Glen: Hello there, people out there and people in here.

Steve: Where you playin' tonight?

Glen: We're playin' at the Knitting Factory on Hollywood Boulevard isn't it?

Steve: In Silverlake, innit?

Glen: No it's not in Silverlake.

Mr. Shovel: Hollywood.

Glen: It's in Hollywood. We're playin' in Hollywood.

Steve: (US. Accent) You've made it kid.

Glen: Yeah.

(Both laugh)

Glen: That's what Jonathon King told me, he said, "Follow me kid and you'll end up in Hollywood one day." So it's not quite the great theatre what we did last time but we're looking forward to the show, it's a good support band and all. Prima Donna.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: These guys Prima Donna, he's a good singer, he's really got it.

Steve: Who's a prima donna?

Glen: The bloke in the band "Prima Donna."

Steve: Oh.

Steve: Another band?

Glen: Support band.

Steve: Oh OK.

Glen: Good bunch of lads. We know you're a prima donna but that goes without sayin'

Glen: I got a sweet (candy) stuck in me throat now.

Steve: Really you want me to get it out?

Glen: 'Ere can you push it down a bit further?

Steve: Sure.

(Both laugh).

Glen: I'm not normally like that, it's 'im he does things to me.

Steve: I bring out the Jonathon King in yer.

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: That's what it is.

(Sounds of guitars being strummed and tuned)

Steve: Shall we do a song?

Glen: What shall we do? Are you gonna play a song, why don't you play a song? And then we'll do one in the same vein. You heard that? It's your show, you tell me what to do.

Steve: Yeah that's right, it's my bleedin' show, we'll play a song now mate.

Glen: Yeah but I'm not quite an employee but there you go. Shall we do a Faces song?

Steve: He's not really playin' tonight at the Knittin' factory.

Glen: No, not anymore, he was but he ain't now.

(Steve coughing and laughing)

Steve: Yeah cos we are mad Faces fans and you was at that show that I was at and you was there and I didn't even know you were there.

Glen: Oh the um…

Steve: We didn't even know each other then did we?

Glen: That was a very important show in the history of music in the UK.

Steve: At Wembley Pool.

Glen: Well yeah, 'cept I, muggins payed to get in…I went with my bird at the time, I was about fifteen and he (Steve) was backstage drinkin' their Remy Martin isn't that right? Yeah? ("Remy Martin". Type of cognac)

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: Wembley at Empire Pool open the Pink Fairies there was some kind of…

Steve: Band called the Pink Fairies. The New York Dolls and The Faces.

Glen: New York Dolls, yeah. And that was the first time I saw The Dolls and it kind of…everything changed a bit then but The Faces were great.

Steve: I loved The Faces man and The Dolls was…

Glen: Why did you like The Faces?

Steve: Cos it was "good time" and they were stylish and all.

Glen: "Flash Harry."

Steve: Yeah and I liked the songs, I liked that raw, cos they weren't polished.

Glen: I mean you might deny this but I think if it weren't for the way Ron Wood played guitar I don't think you'd sound anything like the way you do.

Steve: No. I don't think so. Him and Ronson (Mick Ronson) were definitely my

Glen: Well you never had his Zemaitis but a Gibson and a (?) and that kind of sound of those little three note kind of barre chords.

Steve: Exactly.

Glen: There you go.

Steve: That was a good show, that's so funny that I was there (pause) and you were there.

Glen: Yeah but I mean that was…

Steve: Who'd of known what was gonna 'appen later, you know what I mean?

Glen: Yeah but I think we knew each other then actually…

Steve: We did?

Glen: Yeah or just beginnin' to. Because they'd been over and they did that thing at Bibas and I remember bein' in the shop with Malcolm here talkin' about Tommy Roberts, do you remember Tommy Roberts, "City Lights?" ("City Lights".Boutique).

Steve: I robbed that place blind! ("Rob somewhere blind". Steal everything removable).

Glen: Put 'im out of business.

Steve: (Ruefully). I know.

Glen: Did the suits on the, you know the "Pin-Ups" cover, those little bum freezer double-breasted jackets that Bowie wears?

Steve: On the Pin-Ups cover.

Glen: Well they were talkin' about it, about seein' em at Biba's and I kinda thought well, "oooh" and then I went and saw The Faces and they (The Dolls) happened to be on the bill. But that was with the original drummer weren't it?

Steve: Billy who died that night, OD'd that night, yeah. Billy…

Glen: Dole.

Steve: Billy Dole.

Glen: Mr. Dole.

Steve: On the dole.

Glen: Appreciation…

Steve: Appreciation to the (fine?) guitar sound and The Faces.

Glen: …The Faces, by murdering one of their songs for 'em, yeah? This one's called "Ooh la la la," innit?

Steve: Don't, brace yourselves, Glen's gonna sing.

Glen: Yeah 'ere we go, "Loud, proud and wrong."

They play "Ooh la la la." together

Steve: Let's go and…(Changing tack) that was off "Ooh la la" right with Ronnie Wood singin' actually.

Glen: Ronnie Wood singin'.

Steve: Great song!

Glen: They were supposed to do it with Rod Stewart but it was in the wrong key for him - reportedly.

Steve: Oh is that what it was.

Glen: Well that's what he said but I think maybe they couldn't really be arsed.

Steve: Well couldn't they change the bleedin' key for 'im?

Glen: Well that's what I thought an' all.

Steve: I mean it is a guitar you know.

Glen: That's when he was off on his…

Steve: That's when he was turnin' into "Gingerville". ("Ginger beer," queer.)

Glen: When he moved to L.A. You know.

Steve: When he become like a bum bender, bum bender.

Glen: Well ahhh. Sorry about that middle bit (ref to previous song) but there was a shadow across the (?) so I know it…

Steve: Ah. What was that bit you was playin' at the end there on the guitar? You lost me there.

Glen: What (Starts playing the tune again) I was keepin' with the same and you changed to the other bit and it don't change to the other bit. Now you go (Demonstrating chord change).

Steve: (Belches) Ah whatever.

Glen: Bit late now innit, we done it.

Steve: I'm the bleedin' guitar player!

Glen: Alright, alright.

Steve: Stick to the bass.

Glen: I can't 'ear you when I've got these headphones on, I'm gonna take 'em off next time.

Steve: You can't 'ear?

Glen: I can hear me, but I can't hear you. And since it's your show, that ain't right.

Steve: Well why don't you turn it up then?

Glen: Why? Look, I can 'ear me but I can't 'ear 'im.

Steve: He should be 'earin' me, shouldn't he? (Presumably talking to Mr. Shovel). Let's play er…

Glen: The playin' I mean.

Steve: Look, look, look, look ain't that weird, it says on this album, "The Small Faces." It's a defect.

Glen: That's the American version but on the cover, you know that poster that came with, "As nod is as good as a wink." There's pictures of them outside places in the States…

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: …says Small Faces on that thing.

Steve: Ain't that weird eh? I guess that was before, everyone really knew it was like a weird transition weren't it?

Glen: It's like tonight I think they got outside, "ex-Sex Pistol."

Steve: Yeah.

(Both laugh).

Steve: Glen "Rich Kid" Pistol…

Glen: Yeah ex-Pistol Rich Sex.

Steve: Rich…

Glen: But really I'm just a Philistine.

Steve: That's what you are.

Glen: That's what I am!

Steve: You can tell! You're just a thesbian! (thespian) You're just a thesbian. This song's called "Three Button Hand Me Down," I remember you playin' this, I was very impressed.

Glen: This was my audition number but the thing was you didn't know that was the only song I knew 'ow to play.

Steve: Well.

Glen: But it's not a bad one to start off with.

Steve: Well, I couldn't play a bleedin' note so what difference does it make?

Glen: Oh, you was better than that.

Steve: Yeah?

Glen: But you 'ad the right trousers on though.

Steve: I had the right clobber.

Glen: You had those ones out of City Lights didn't ya (laughs).

Steve: Alkasura's, Granny Takes A Trip. (Alkasura and, Granny Takes A Trip were fashionable boutiques at the time).

Glen: Granny Takes A Trip.

Steve: This was Glen's audition for bein' in the Sex Pistols, yeah?

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: This bass part at the beginning.

Glen: Oh and the rest of it!

Plays "Three Button Hand Me Down."

Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1. with Glen Matlock…

Glen: That's me.

Steve: …and his Philistines.

Ray: Philisteens

Glen: No let's get this straight, I'm Glen Matlock and they're the Philistines.

Steve: The what?

Glen: They're the Philistines but I suppose we're all Philistines really when it comes right down to it.

Steve: The Jonathon King stines.

Glen: Anyway that looks kind of like my missus. Chris,

Steve: Come closer!

Glen: Chris in the corner over there, Chris Musto on the Drums,

Steve: Chris Mustang.

Glen: I think you should fill us in about the Jonathon King episode.

Steve: Oh this is the man who 'ad the experience on the lay-by. Microphone!

Chris: Lay-by, yes, Ewell in Surrey one late evening when I was sixteen.

Steve: What was you doin' walkin' along the freeway?

Chris: I was just 'itch hiking home.

Steve: Yeah right.

Philistine: That's what they all say.

Glen: From where though?

Chris: From Ewell Technical college after goin' to see Black Sabbath.

Glen: Black Sabbath, oh…

Chris: Yeah, when they were little.

Steve: And you were walkin' down the freeway?

Chris: Yes, I was walkin' down, well, it's not exactly a freeway, more a by-pass I suppose.

Steve: OK. Means a little road.

Glen: That rhymes, you know.

Chris: I had to hitch hike back to Cheam and I hitched you know, stuck me thumb out and this brown Rolls Royce stopped and…

Steve: By himself?

Chris: Absolutely.

Steve: What year was this, seventy-

Chris: Seventy.

Steve: Early seventies?

Chris: It must have been '71. Something like that.

Steve: Yeah, OK. Did he have his funny mouth?

Chris: He certainly did. Yes bit of a…

Steve: That weird lookin' mouth.

Chris: …of a trademark, that, wasn't it?

Steve: I'd like to smash it. Go on.

Chris: Yeah (laughs).

Steve: So what 'appened?

Chris: Well I got in cos of a Brown Rolls and sort of (?).

Steve: What did he say did he say, "you need a ride, son?"

Chris: That's exactly what he said, yes.

Steve: What you say?

Chris: (As King) "Where are you going, are you going all the way?" and…

Philistine: "Do you go all the way."

Chris: I was sixteen.

Steve: He said, "I'm going to cream, I mean Cheam."

Chris: I looked like a girl cos had very long hair and I was all skinny and you know cute and everything like that so. Yes he stopped and put his hand on my leg and…

Glen: What, straightaway?

Chris: Straightaway! Absolutely, straightaway!

Steve: See you lied there! He lied!

Glen: Didn't you smell a rat though, as soon as he did that? So you still got in the motor!

Chris: Yes, well I got in and sat down then he put his hand out, bit like that (accompanying gesture).

Steve: And after he put his hand on yer, you said, (mercenary suddenly) "'ow much money you got?"

Chris: He said, "Now what's your name?" And I said, "Chris." and he said, "Oh my name's Jonathon." And he said, "Oh you might have heard of me, King, Jonathon, Jonathon, Jonathon King."

Steve: And did you know 'im?

Chris: Yeah but I didn't tell 'im.

Steve: Yeah go on then and then what?

Chris: I said no, "I haven't 'eard of you," But he said, "Oh well where do you need to go?" And I said, "Oh just down the next roundabout please." (laughing, all join in).

Ray: Dodgy (?).

Steve: That was it? (Disappointed) Oh I wish there was more to the story!

Ray: Oh but this is family radio. Keep it down.

Chris: Yeah, exactly and there's court cases involved now and things like that now aren't there?

Steve: Yeah but it was the truth.

Chris: It was the truth, yes it was absolutely the truth!

Ray: Traumatized him.

Chris: Yes, I could have stood up in court and said, "I knew that was coming, years before!"

Steve: Now is he, is he?.

Ray: He's out.

Steve: No I know he's out, do people still look at 'im as a nonce? Or have people accepted 'im?

Ray: I think he's tryin' to get back in kind of on the scene but…

Glen: He's um…

Ray: He's unpleasant.

Glen: …greasin' his way through London.

Steve: I saw a documentary…

Ray: He'll be movin'…

Steve: on BBC…

Ray: (Continuing) to Cambodia.

Steve: Yeah. (All laugh) On BBC. And he's like in denial the bloke.

Ray: Yeah, he's never, ever owned up to it. Did the time ("Did the time." Served out his prison term) but…

Glen: He done the time didn't he yeah.

Steve: And the bloke, the interviewer says to him, "Well have you stopped doin' like fondlin' now?" He goes, "Well I'm sixty now, my sex drive's over," which is a load of bollocks!

Ray: No.

Steve: Yer sex drive ain't over at sixty 'specially if you're a nonce! You'll keep goin'

Ray: How do you know this?

(General laughter)

Steve: Well you know!

Ray: That old bloke you used to 'ang out with, yeah I know!

Ray: That's the voice of experience there,

Philistine: I hope it ain't over at sixty.

Steve: There's no way, just like 'im sayin' that, you know…

Ray: Giveaway, Red herring.

Steve: Yeah.

Ray: He's tryin' to mislead us.

Steve: Yeah. Where was the road you went down?

(All laugh)

Steve: Quickly! Where he picked you up?

Glen: Is on that, what are those tracker things, those satellite nav things that pick you…

Steve: Yeah navigation.

Ray: Yeah you put it on "nonce mode." Nonce way, yeah.

(All laugh)

Steve: How long is your set tonight?

Glen: Bout an hour I suppose, best part of an hour.

Ray: How long do you want it to be?

Glen: Depends how fast (?) plays really, normally, you know.

Philistine: Well we go to 45 we can play it in half-an-hour.

Glen: No we got a few more up our sleeves ain't we. It'll be alright. We'll discuss it. Why? Just wanna know. It's just right. It's like when you get you 'air cut, "How do you want it cut?" "Just right!"

Steve: We got some of yer album here, we got six copies of yer album that we should giveaway.

Glen: Well I've got, I think we should have two, three…

Steve: I think punters need to earn 'em though, don't just give 'em away.

Glen: Well yeah but I think there's a good question that maybe some of the American people won't get.

Steve: I don't think anyone's gonna get that…

Glen: No one?

Steve: Other than me.

Glen: You can 'ave one if you want.

Steve: Well you can try it.

Glen: Well you can have that in the stack. Well what I was goin' to say for the English people , listenin', for the English people listenin' then we can ask that one and then, think up something else.

Steve: So we'll do three right now for English people.

Glen: Yeah, just test the water.

Steve: OK. This is it, we're gonna give…

Glen: Are they gonna call in now? Or do they call in…

Steve: Well, yeah…

Glen: …over a period of time.

Steve: …we can do it now. Or shall we wait till the commercials? We'll wait till the commercials.

Glen: Alright.

Steve: But we 'ave six copies of Glen Matlock's album, "On something."

Glen: "On something." Yeah.

Steve: What's all that about, you come up with the silliest titles.

Glen: It's not silly, it means something.

Steve: What's it mean?

Glen: It means something, it means sometimes, you've given up stuff and I've given up stuff and
things still piss you off quite a bit and you wish you was on something, not goin' to but…

Steve: On drugs.

Glen: …it's a kind of a way of escapin' it. Dunno somethin' that could just clear up all this…(hesitates) all the nonsense for yer.

Steve: Don't, you was gonna swear then wasn't yer?

Ray: Oooh.

Glen: I was goin' to yeah, I was, I was gonna take a leaf out of your book but now you got a new book to take a leaf out, so I didn't!

Ray: "Something," can mean anything.

Steve: Or you're on (pause) to something.

Glen: "Onto something" Yeah. See its one of those things, you can read between the lines.

Steve: Double what Entendroze? .

Glen: Double Entendre yeah.

Steve: Yeah Double Diamonds, (Popular Brit beer in the 70's, Steve will play a snatch of the commercial for it and it will also feature later)

Glen: Double Diamond, oh now there was a drink.

Steve: So you're gonna play us a song?

Glen: Yeah.

Steve: Is this your hit single?

Glen: It could be…

Steve: What is the single? "Knuckle down."

(All laugh)

Steve: White knuckle?

Glen: White knuckle ride!

Sounds of guitars being strummed.

Steve: Hold it, lets get your mikes right.

Glen: Shall we get it some semblance of a sound balance?

Steve: One 'ere. (referring to the microphones).

Glen: I was fiddlin' with my thing.

Steve: Sing into that one and kinda put that 'ere and move that a little bit, like that, there ya go. So we can get all the guitars in there. 'old on, 'old on! Are you gonna be doin' anythin'?

Ray: He can sing the BV's (Backing vocals).

Chris: I can sing some BV's if you want.

Steve: Cos if your not, cos that's a waste of mike we can put.

Chris: Come on then, move it over and I can sing that, sing anyway.

Steve: Move that one down a bit, this one 'ere. Come on you muppet!

Philistine: This one won't turn round.

Glen: I want all the mikes? I got all the mikes now! Right! (Strums again) Are we in tune?
This one's called "White Knuckle ride," ready? 1-2-3-4. Here we go!

Glen Matlock and the Philistones play, "White knuckle ride."

The song finishes.

Glen: That's well out of tune there, matey.

Steve: We're here with Glen Matlock and the Philistines and that was the White Knuckle song.

General laughter.

Steve: We're gonna play some Nuns right now.

Glen: Um, no, I heard that little bit you was playin' in the car?

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: They sounded a bit Blondieish (Like Blondie). The girls.

Steve: A little bit yeah.

Glen: But with vocals, the BV's from…what did they sound like would you say? It sounded like some (?). They're good.

Steve: They actually they actually opened for the last show that the Pistols did in San Francisco, it was one of the opening (?).

Glen: They played there and they was dressed as Nuns?

Steve: No. They (are) just called the Nuns.

Glen: Oh, no.

Ray: I don't think Glen was there though.

Steve: No he weren't there. You wasn't there, was you Glen?

Ray: He was busy.

Glen: I was feeling poorly.

Steve: I wish you was there.

Ray: I bet you wish you were there.

Glen: I was there!

Ray: I bet you do!

Steve: Eh? San Francisco, (Exasperated) what are you talkin' about?

Glen: I thought you meant last time we was there.

Steve: No in ninety bleedin' seventy…

Glen: (Now confused) Oh so this is…I thought this was…a new band

Ray: '97, 77. 7 and 60.

Steve: (Chuckles).

Glen: I thought this was a new band cos you looked young in the picture

Ray: Yeah but it's an old cd!

Steve: It's an old picture innit!

Glen: Well I didn't know.

Philistines all talking at once and laughing.

Steve: Lets play a song off it, the album's called the Nuns and this song is called, "You think, you're the best" Give us a cough!

Ray coughs.

Steve: There we go, ok. Take it away Mr. Shovel.

Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1. with Glen Matlight…

Glen: That's me.

Ray: Glen Metalcock.

Glen: That's me.

Steve: Glen Matlock and his Philistines. Jonathon King…

Glen: Complete!

Ray: Jonathon (Sounds like "Congers?")

Steve: From the stable of Jonathon King!

Ray: And Jonathon Congers.

Steve: Johnny Congo. What was that song, he had, Johnny Congo?

Glen: Tokoloshe man!

Steve: Tokoloshe man!

Glen: What is a Tokoloshe man? ("Tokoloshe man," Malevolent hairy dwarf in the Bantu religion).

Ray: What is?

Steve: I don't know

Glen: I thought you might know these things.

Ray: What about the Curly Wurly boy? ("Curly Wurly" popular chocolate coated chewy toffee-based sweet from Cadburys).

Glen: You should find out.

Steve: Togoloshe.

Glen: Tokoloshe.

Ray: (Spells it out). T-O-K-O-L-O-S-H-E.

Steve: That's a Japanese word innit, Tokoloshe?

Ray: Well you got me there.

Steve: Is that a Mackintoshe?

Ray: Mackintoshey, woshey, moshey.

Steve: Yeah.

Ray: Boshey. Bish boshey man.

Steve: Bosh Bish Bosh!

Glen: Bish boshey, hiroshi.

Steve: So?

Ray: As opposed to the Jonesy version of just take the dosh man. (laughs).

Steve: (Refined English accent). Yes man. (Normal accent) This is yer last show tonight before yer go back to…

Glen: Yep, remember we're breakin up after this one.

Steve: Back to the lay-by.

Glen: Back to the lay-by.

Steve: The Jonathon King lay-by. (Laughs)

Glen: We're gonna pull in somewhere on the way back.

Ray: The rest area.

Steve: Ooh (?) me hat's comin' off.

Glen: What time are we goin' on tonight? Do we know? Do we know these things?

Ray: Sometime, sometime this evening.

Glen: 7.30 doors innit?

Ray: It's good…

Glen: There not like that late, the shows are they?

Ray: No, no, no we ain't gonna be on until probably 9.30 so.

Steve: If it's a club, like a bar clubby, kinda thing, be at least 10. But you know…

Ray: What time do you wan't us to be there Steve?

Steve: …you don't want the people getting there late, so I'd say 9.30.

Glen: But I'd like to see the band beforehand cos I dig 'em, the Prima Donnas, so if they get down for them - they will not be disappointed.

Steve: What's the name of the gaff?

Glen: The Knitting factory. Hollywood Boulevard.

Steve: If you're interested just call up the Knitting Factory to find out what time it's going on.

Glen: Yeah go on, drive them mad!

Steve: Don't you 'ave a manager or nuffink?

Glen: (Quickly). Nah!

Ray: Why?

Steve: Eh?

Philistine: What do you want that for?

Steve: That's better, sorry, I'm just still sick. I've got me wooly hat on.


Steve: Glen?

Glen: Where are we at, are we playing a record now or are we just sat sittin' here?

Steve: No, we're talkin'

Glen: Oh are we. I'm on the air, yeah?

(Everyone talks at once).

Glen: What are we gonna talk about. (laughs).Well there was just this momentary lapse in time. We come round from a trance-like state eh, Koozie?

Koozie: (Sounds like an English West Country accent) You startled me.

Ray: You startled him out of himself.

Glen: Why don't we do our competition?

Steve: Well before we go on about that lot, there's one thing I want to clear up.

Glen: What?

Steve: I didn't do anything with yer sandwiches. (Reference that Steve had allegedly ejaculated into a sandwich which Glen then, allegedly, ate).

Glen: Fantastic!

Ray: Yeah that's always been a…

Steve: I don't know where that came from - well, we do know where it came from…

Glen: We know where it came from.

Steve: But it had nuffin to do with me!

Glen: Oh, so I can go back on the mayonnaise now?

Glen: It's a pretty rubbish story, not rubbish it weren't a very nice story.

Steve: Well, you know what it is? You know, he run out of ideas so he just made some stuff up.

Glen: Oh right.

Steve: That's my theory.

Glen: Who do you mean? What do you mean that bloke? George, George?

Steve: Well it was in the book weren't it? Where it started, nothing to do with me.

Glen: Good.

Steve: Well maybe once, but…

Ray: Couldn't get it up twice.

(All laugh).

Glen: Steve, you should come down tonight cos we got a buffet laid on you know, for you.


Ray: Yeah come early we got the riders (?).

Glen: Just give us five, let me get in there five minutes before you do and I'll sort it out for you!

Steve: You don't drink anymore do you?

Glen: No.

Steve: Probably tastes alright then!

Glen: I'm like you mate! Sort of.

Steve: Ain't got that ammonia taste to it, innit, smelly?

Lots of noise in the studio.

Glen: I wouldn't know, I wouldn't know.

Steve: You've never smelled yer own Harry? ("Harry". Harry Monk - spunk or semen).

Glen: Well you get rid of it don't you, you don't really want it yourself.

Steve: Look every bloke has had a whiff of his own.

Glen: Yeah but I don't.

Ray: (Slowly) No, that would be you Steve.

Glen: Yeah "every bloke," he's not every bloke is he?

Steve: If your honest with yourself.

Ray: We're gonna have a competition, the competition is the first bloke to call in and say he has smelt his own 'arry…(pause) will win an evening with Jonesy, to smell his!

(All laugh).

Steve: And Jonathon King with tasting.

Ray: And Jonathon King in a lay-by. Did he smell yours, or vice versa? A bit of Jonathon King, 'arry.

Steve: OK, that's enough! Let's gonna - you wanna play another song off yer album?

Glen: Yeah, let's do, shall we do "Who's side are you on?" Shall we do that one?

Steve: Yeah but what song are you gonna do?

Glen: It's called, "Who's side are you on?" Your good at this aren't you! Very snappy.

Usual pre live song warmup finding positions, microphones etc.

Glen: Hello out there, ready? 1- 2-3-4-5-6.

They play, "Who's side are you on?" General laughter as the song finishes.

Steve: Very good (pause) You're listenin' to Jonesy's Jukebox, Glen Matlock and his Philistine mob.

Glen: Top efforts!

Steve: Blokes.

Ray: Top rankers!

Steve: And we're gonna visit the Duke and we'll be right back after these lovely messages, thanks for listenin'.

Commercial break.

They return.

Glen is very distant from the microphone so the words are indistinct.


Steve: Let me know.

Glen: I thought it was that loose kind of show, you know.

Steve: Well it is.

Glen: What do they call it, um "arts (lamp?)" kind of


Steve: Hold it. You're gonna need two mikes cos your singing, give us that one over, you're playin' the axe, we're gonna do another Faces song we decided, we're gonna do a…

Glen: Is it a Faces song, it's another Ronnie Lane song, innit? It's a different.

Steve: Well it's a different song. It's on, "A nod is as good as a wink," innit?

Glen: It must be a Faces song then.

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: Shall I just shut up and sing?

Steve: Yeah. Exactly.

Glen: Or sing and then shutup?

Steve: Actually just shut up.

All laugh.

Steve: Alright Shovel, you got levels? Look now he's knocked me bleedin' guitar out of tune!

Mr. Shovel: You shouldn't get too close to me man!

Steve: This is a Faces song Glen's gonna sing called…

Glen: Called, "Debris"

Steve: Forgot it already.

Glen: It's about 'im and his old man innit.

  1. Steve: It's Ronnie Lane singin' it with Rod Stewart on the "b" s(ide).

Glen: He comes in on the back. Are you ready? -2

Steve: Go on. (Then quickly) It's about Ronnie Lane's dad?

Glen: Yeah, it's about his dad, it's the way I dig it, cos there's a whole bit in it about 'im workin' at the bus depot.

Steve: Speak in the mike. (Louder) Speak into the mike!

Glen: Where my dad worked. It's all about his old man and his relationship with him and how he looked out for him and worked at the bus depot or something. ("Looked out for him". watched over him.)

Steve: Go on then!

They perform the song.

Steve: Was that a mess? That was alright.

Glen: No that was alright, I couldn't really hear in these cans, you know.

Steve: (Exasperated again.) You gotta bleedin' turn it up!

Glen: It's not that! It's turning me up. I can hear me too loud.

General laughter.

Steve: What's the matter wi yer?

Glen: Oh it's a bit late now anyway. "Debris," right where were we?

During "Debris" they were now joined by Tracey Ullman.

Steve: Hello Tracey.

Tracey: Hello.

Glen: Hello, we got a guest, hello darlin'!

Tracey: Hello.

Ray: That's a surprise!

Steve: What are you doin', come to meet 'im? Give the lady the mike.

Tracey: I was just um. I was delivering Christmas presents.

Ray: As you do.

Tracey: As you do…five minutes from here…

Ray: With a big truck!

Tracey: And I had the radio on and I heard Ray McVeigh!

Ray: You noticed the cough! (Ray had been coughing a little through the show).

Tracey: (South East England rough accent) No I just heard that dirty bit, yeah Jonafon Keengs gone to live in Cambodia!

All laugh.

Tracey: And my children are here who you are sort of Godfather to, in your way Ray.

Steve: Do you wanna bring them in?

Ray: Mabel!

Tracey: (Homely motherly SE. England accent) Mabel's 'ere from England! And they couldn't get in to see Farvver Crissmuss so I said, "Come and sit on Uncle Stephen's lap!"

All laugh!

Tracey: Let him touch yer Johnny, let him touch ya! He wants ter touch ya, don't worry about it!

All laugh!

Tracey: Johnny and Mabel!

Steve: Hello.

General round of salutations as Tracey's children are introduced.

Ray: Hello John, good grief, hello darling!

Steve: How you doin'? Been playin' the guitar?

Johnny: Yeah.

Steve: Been practicin'? Do you wanna play a song to us?

Johnny: No that's alright.

All laugh!

Steve: Alright then. Do you have any Jonathon King stories?

Tracey: I used to live next door to 'im!

Steve: Ohhh!

Ray: What in the mews? ("Mews" Stable block converted into flats or apartments)

Tracey: Oh, we saw all sorts goin' in there.

Ray: Oooh.

Glen: And comin' out again?

Tracey: Oh nah, nah.

Ray: Some of them came out! (Laughs).

Tracey: We lived on um, it was Queensborough Terrace, do you remember when we were there we had that little office and…

Ray: Yeah.

Tracey: And like we had Arabs - you know - slaying sheep on one side of us, remember?

Ray: Yeah, yeah. It was nice it was a lovely part of town!

Tracey: It was very nice and on the other side with Jonathon King, with all these…and I used to say, who's that Alan and my husband used to go, "That's his nephew."

All laugh!

Tracey: That's his nephew!

Glen: He's got a big family.

Steve: He's got a big family ain't he?

Tracey: It's another nephew, I'm going, "Are they all his nephews honey?" "Yes…oh he loves them boys, he's marvelous with them."

Steve: Yes.

Ray: He does a lot of good work for charidee ("Charidee" or "charity". Imitation "Smashy and Nicey" DJ speak gag. Disc jockeys on Radio Fab who did a lot of good work for charity but they didn't like to talk about it. The joke however was that they did talk about it. Both were loosely based on some old BBC Radio 1. disc jockeys. See Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse, British TV. Comics.)

Steve: (Laughs).

Ray: In Cambodia.

Steve: You know what, ole Gary Glitter, he eh…I used to live down Earl's Court with Faulkner, used to manage Faulkner O' Kelly. (Other way round. Fachtna O'Ceallaigh was Steve's manager for a time).

Ray: You had his TV.

Tracey: TV.

Steve: Yeah, I had his TV. Listen, look belt-up for a second.

Glen: He's announcing.

Ray: Oh.

Steve: And Gary Glitter lived in the mews and he used to come home late drunk and would love to sing like Elvis songs to yer. You know what I mean? Like do the whole moves, the whole bit, you know.

Ray: When you were young.

Steve: With the wig moving about and everything.

Ray: When you were a lot younger he would sing.

Steve: No, he didn't get 'old of me Mr. McVeigh. I was like 21- 22 - 23 somewhere round there.

Ray: Bit old.

Tracey: (?) way too old for him. Wrong sex an' all.

Steve: But it was funny. Any of you got any Gary stories?

Tracey: Did you get that e-mail I just sent you with the Gary Glitter picture in it?

Steve: No.

Tracey: I sent it to Mr. Shovel, he's not passed it on.

Glen: Has he seen it yet?

Ray: Yeah, they're not putting up Christmas decorations this year in Cambodia.

Tracey: Yeah?

Ray: No, they're hanging glitter.

All laugh.

Ray: Ouch! Do you wanna be in my gang?

Tracey: The Glitter band, you don't hear anything from them do you?

Ray: No you do. They did a big piece in the paper and they're like, "We hate him, we never liked him, had we known we'd never have had him in the band. He's ruined our reputation."

Steve: We can't play at Butlins anymore, cos of 'im. ("Butlins" Holiday camp.)

Ray: That's literally what they said.

Tracey: They're wouldn't have 'em doing Panto this year," Genie of the Ring." (laughs then pauses) That's horrible! ("Panto". Pantomime, British Christmas musical comedy play for children, usually features prominent stars of the TV. Pop stars. Comedians etc.)

Glen: No, they did maintain a career in Germany and Belgium.

Tracey: Benelux.

Ray: So have you ever met Glen before?

Tracey: No.

Ray: That's Glen that actually wrote all those songs you like.

Steve: Yeah.

Ray: That's the man that did it all.

Tracey: Oooh. Have you been inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll…

Steve: Yeah.

Glen: Yeah, I'm already in.

Ray: He's already in.

Tracey: They've let Steve in.

Ray: They might do.

Steve: Abducted.

Tracey: Are you gonna wear that jacket when you go to Cleveland? It is parky. ("Parky" cold)

Glen: (Sounds like, "I'm gonna have a word with them" ?)

Ray: The jacket? I think they're gonna…

Steve: It's not in Cleveland, it's in New York at the Wal…

Tracey: It's gonna be in New York?

Ray: Ooooh.

Tracey: Flash!

Steve: Waldorf Hotel.

Tracey: Is Johnny gonna play with yer, you gonna get back together again?

Glen: (Sounds like, "I think we're gonna jam."? )

Steve: Who knows. Who knows.

Tracey: Has he called you up, (pause) chummy?

Steve: No, I've called 'im though, he ain't called me back.

Ray: Did he send you a Christmas card?

Steve: No.

Tracey: Yeah, does he send you a Christmas card?

Ray: Does he send personalized portrait ones out?

Steve: Do you know what, do you know something, I've never sent one Christmas card in me whole life.

Glen: You gave me one earlier on!

Ray: He's proud of it as well isn't he, look. Does a lot of good work for charidee.

Glen: It was a corporate (?) one so that's different though.

Tracey: Charidee.

Steve: I don't, I'm not good at sending stuff out.

Glen: We noticed that.

Ray: Yeah or making cups of tea or actually being social in any aspect in fact. You did give me a birthday present twice.

Steve: The same one?

Ray: No. It was a different one. It had somebody else's name on it.

All laugh.

Ray: It was like a really nice sweater but it had a kids name tag on it.

Steve: Yeah.

Ray: The Gary Glitter TV. was a great story, wasn't there anything weird on that when you got it home?

Steve: Mmm.

Ray: Or was it in and out pretty quick.

Steve: It wasn't Gary Glitter's TV it was Faulkner's TV.

Ray: Oh. Gary Glitter saw you going down the mews with it on your shoulder and called (Kurd?) up and told on you. (Ray finds the story hilarious).

Steve: Yeah, that's what happened.

Glen: He shopped you? ("Shop" report someone to the police, get arrested).

Steve: That's what happened, yeahhh.

Ray: Nicking your own TV, that's a first! (laughs).

All laugh

Ray: He doesn't throw them out the window he climbs out of the window with them!

All laugh

Steve: Well, I had an image to maintain.

Ray: I know. (pause) Well you do.

Steve: So what, you been shopping what did you do?

Tracey: We were just deliverin' um…

Steve: Millets, was you at Millets? ("Millets " is a chain British outdoor clothing store).

Ray: Meelay (A comedy French prounciation of Millets?)

Tracey: Millet Tarjay. (Target - US. Store chain?) Oh what are we going to do kids? Mabel's hungry. Mabel's really hungry, she wants her lunch. And we're just dropping off presents…

Ray: To the homeless people?

Tracey: (slips into US. Accent and continues)… to my agent and things, you know.

Ray: She's amazing.

Steve: What are you up to Tracey? Have you got any shows comin' up, what you doin?

Tracey: (Normal accent) Oh no, um I just did a movie with Amy Heckerling in England, that'll be out next year and you and me are gonna re-record, (slips into Cockney style accent) "Come outside, give over."

Steve: Yeah.

Tracey: "Come outside,"

Steve: "What for?"

Tracey: I was hoping to resurrect my one hit wonder.

"There's a lovely moon out there." (Both Tracey and Steve did this line in unison. The original
song was performed by Mike Sarne and Wendy Richard).

Glen: (Singing a lyric from the song) Little doll.

Tracey: I'll be recording in the New Year.

Steve: That'll be excellent. No more eh, "Tracey takes on." (US. TV series starring TU.)

Tracey: Not for now.

Steve: They were great them, I liked them

Tracey: Raymond why are you here without your three beautiful daughters?

Ray: It's a court battle.

Tracey: (With sympathy) Oh dear honey

Ray: They have to remain.

Tracey: I've known Ray so long now.

Ray: So long.

Tracey: Aye, God.

Ray: Almost as long as Jonesy and Matlock.

Steve: (To Mr. Shovel) Another song? We're gonna, this will bring one back for you Tracey.

Tracey: What?

Steve: Is it one…

Tracey: Can't you play any Slade songs or can't you do Christmas boys?

Steve: (Loudly). This is better, this is better!

Tracey: Do a carol.

Steve: Slik!

Tracey: Slik???

Too much excitement in the studio to make out what the next comment is.

Steve: (Yells at the top of his voice). This one's for Tracey, to Shovel! Traaaacy!

Plays another set of songs.

Steve: You're listenin' to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with Glen Matlight.

Glen: That's me!

Ray: Can you say it right once? It's Motlick!

Glen: It's a running gag.

Ray: Sorry. Metalcock. Mat (pause) clock.

Glen: Glen Matlock.

Steve: Glen Mackerel, that's it.

Ray: Glen Padlock.

Ray: (?)

Glen: Albert Tatlock. ("Albert Tatlock" A long serving now deceased character in Brit TV Soap Opera, Coronation Street.)

Ray: (?) Sid James, who are you, Kenneth Williams? Sid James, Albert Tatlock.

Glen: (?) Bernard Bresslaw., Bernard Bresslaw.

Steve: No Cookie's Sid James.

Glen: He was funny when we was trying to think up names he goes, "I'll be Sid James," as though no body else spoke like that all. (laughs).

Steve: Um and we're here with the Philistines. From the Jonathon King stable.

Ray: No, backing singers.

Steve: And Tracey Ullman with her entourage.

Ray: Tracey Ullman (?).

Tracey: Saucepan lids. ("Saucepan lids".Kids)

Ray: The Quinn Martin triplets. With the saucepans.

Tracey: The Saucepans. Tracey and the saucepans.

Ray: You're very like Jack and that other brat aren't yer?

Steve: Can you speak into the microphone?

Glen: Yes.

Steve: Oi muggins!

Ray: (Now clear again). Very similar family. I'm joking, it's Christmas. (One of the saucepans laughs).

Ray: Johnny have you been in rehab yet? Can we sort it out?

Steve: Ummm.

John: Yep.

Tracey: Yes this is a Los Angeles child.

Steve: What are we doing? Visit the Duke? Lets visit the Duke. It's distractin 'im this lot. Lets… How are you Glen?

Glen: I'm not so bad Steve, how are you doing then, we got through this didn't we?

Steve: Yeah, it's good.

Glen: I've enjoyed myself.

Steve: So you don't remember that band (?)

Glen: I've vague, I, by the time that last chorus had been played twenty times, I couldn't have half remembered it once but I don't remember em at all.

Steve: The bloke with the sweaty arse.

Glen: Don't remember that one.

All laugh.

Glen: I thought that was you.

Steve: No, with the dungarees.

Ray: Yeah, I remember him.

Glen: You weren't there, were yer?

Steve: Anyway, you don't remember him? And Slik, Slik before that you was in a band with, Midge Ure.

Glen: Yeah. Midge joined the Rich Kids afterwards.

Steve: You said he's bald now, is that..?

Glen: He's um.

Ray: Totally. Cumbernauld ("Cumbernauld" bald. Place-name in Central Scotland)

Glen: He's challenged in that department and I think he's decided to just go with it.

Steve: And he's shaved it?

Glen: Yeah, pretty much.

Ray: He wants to get Gary Glitter's old wig, don't he?

Steve: It's the right thing to do, innit? To shave it.

Glen: It is, I think in the modern world, you just get rid of it.

Steve: If you… yeah

Glen: But we don't 'ave that problem, do we Steve?

Steve: I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have me barnet on, ("Barnet Fair" Hair).

Tracey: You boys are follicaly gifted. ("Follicle" hair-root).

Glen: We're follically gifted.

Steve: Yes.

Tracey: Unbelievable, not one of you's gone.

Philistine: Well said.

Ray: The hair pistols.

Glen: For our age you mean. Is that a back-'anded comment?

Tracey: You are. For bloody 'ell, I mean seriously you've hung onto it, 'aven't yer?

Glen: Yeah. Through gritted teeth.

Tracey: Raymond here is hirsute. Maltese Wolf, isn't he.

Glen: May not necessarily be the same colour we was born with but there ya go.

Tracey: It's all down his back an' all, look! (laughs).

Steve: Black fur.

Tracey: Oh my God! Oh look yes, all over yer back. Look Raymond, I've gotta do a bit of waxing here in a minute. I wish I'd brought some wax strips in with me.

Steve: His back's like a mohair sweater!

Tracey: Lose me car keys in it!

Ray: You should see my lower…you should see my front bottom.

Steve: Sherwood Forest on his back there!

Ray: Steve touched my front bottom once in an aeroplane, I didn't want to say anything. You know, make a fuss or anything but

(All laugh).

Steve: Come on then, whip it out, lets have a look at it!

Ray: Look at yourself, a man that smells his own 'arry and oh, yeah, not goin' to

Tracey: What is his own 'arry?

Ray: I'll tell you later.

Steve: Harry Monk, Harry Monk!

Ray: Oh oh

(All join in a loud chorus of disgust).

Tracey: Oh no.

Ray: Bit of Mariah (?)

Steve: Oh no, listen.

Ray: Oh no listen (laughs).

Steve: The thing that I was saying was every bloke has had a niff of his own at one point or another.

(All laugh).

Tracey: I drunk my own breast milk when I breast fed.

(Some join in a loud chorus of disgust).

Mabel: Oh now that's now grossed you out, Mum!

Ray: Why are you complaining, you did?

Glen: But what does it taste like, like a pint or a little bit…

Tracey: Just nice, tastes like strawberries.

Steve: Strawberries?

Ray: Really?

Tracey: You did very well on it kids, look at 'em!

Steve: Look at 'em!

Tracey: They've got all immunities.

Steve: I'll have a strawberry shake please!

Ray: I'll have a…and can I have the short stack?

(Steve has a coughing fit).

Tracey: Oh, that's set Steve off. Where's the Venos? ("Venos" Brand of cough syrup).

Steve: (Groans) oh that is funny. Can men drink er woman's milk?

Ray: Yeah.

Philistine: Yeah, have you never tried it?

Tracey: Yeah, you run out of milk you can make a cuppa tea. We put it in tea.

Ray: How have you never tried it Jonesy?

Steve: Just the concept just turns me right off.

Ray: Oh well that would be the only thing then, wouldn't it? (Some laugh).

Tracey: What a bird lactating?

Ray: We've found something! All you women that are coagulating. All you lactating women that are out there.

Tracey: It's a nice temperature.

Glen: It's good for yer.

Steve: On tap! Pint on tap!

Ray: Handy, Double Diamond.

Steve: "Works wonders, works wonders." (Singing the old TV advert jingle). Two of 'em.

Ray: I had a great joke for that. This bloke's in a bar…

Steve: Oh go on.

Ray: (Continuing) and there's this really gorgeous woman next to him and he said.

Steve: This is big mouth talking, go on. I

Glen: Is this a quick joke?

Ray: Yeah, it's a real quick one. "If I give you a diamond, will you show me your breast?" She thought about it, she was like, "Do you promise you'd give me it?" "Yeah, swear on the Bible." She's like, "OK." He said, "If I give you two diamonds will you show me both yer breasts?" She said, "Yeah OK then." She got her breasts out and he said, "Barman give her a Double Diamond."

(Some laugh).

Steve: Hilarious.

Tracey: You had to be in the pub on the Old Kent Road to get this.

Steve: Hilarious.

Glen: It's the way he tells them.

Steve: You're in the wrong business Ray.

Philistine: Shouldn't you be on the stage?

Tracey: That's from, "Make 'em raw, 1972."

Ray: Bernard Manning. ("Bernard Manning." Brit stand-up working men's clubs comic).

Steve: Um we'll visit the Duke.we'll be back here with the Philistines and Glen…

Ray: Nip lock

Steve: Glen…

Philistine: Shuttlecock.

Ray: Shuttlecock!

Steve: Glen Melon.

Ray: Shufflecock.

Steve: Glen Padlock!

Glen: That's me!

They return after a visit to The Duke.

Steve: How are you Glen?

Glen: I'm alright Steve, how are you?

Steve: Looking forward to tonight?

Glen: Yeah I am actually, I'm ready to rock.

Steve: Yeah?

Glen: Band sounding good. We're playing at…we're we playing at? We're playing at the

Steve: Knitting Factory.

Glen: Knitting Factory. Hollywood…

Steve: Hollywood Boulevard.

Glen: Get down about half past six I think.

Steve: No don't, no, you're scaring people off.

Glen: Oh OK.

Steve: Get down about nineish.

Glen: Yeah nine o' clock I think that should be quite…

Steve: I reckon.

Ray: For those surprise extra special guests.

Steve: Yeah and we'll be, who's getting up with you?

Glen: Dunno.

Ray: I don't want to say cos Rotten will get mad.

Steve: Tracey gettin' up, doin' a song?

Tracey: No I'm just supplying hot mince pies with by Quality Street. ("Quality Street" a sweet or candy assortment usually eaten at Christmas time).

Steve: And milk.

Ray: Breast milk.

Tracey: And breast milk and

Ray: (?) Rider.

Philistine: Yeah what's it like.

Tracey: Hot mince pies and breast milk, I'll be lactating.

Ray: That would be nice.

Tracey: Before the band goes on.

Ray: That actually would be nice, wouldn't it, proper mince pies heated up, it would be like strawberry cream.

Mabel: Yeah.

Glen: See now when it says on the back of things, "contains lactose," does that mean…somebodies been at it?

Ray: Tracey's been around.

Tracey: (?) Lactose intolerant.

Steve: Does that mean that's lactose.

Glen: That's what I mean, there's a lot of things with lactose in.

Steve: (US. Accent) Lactose intolerant!

Ray: Do you not get your Chai tea with that Steve?

Steve: What?

Ray: The old, you know, hows yer father, lactose.

Steve: I dunno. I dunno Ray. (Losing patience slightly)

Ray: Have you 'ad any pie 'n' mash this year?

Steve: Ohhh! Oh belt up, will you. No I 'aven't. Stop talking for ten minutes, lets see if you can do it. I'll give you a tenner if you can. Give us a cough, one cough!

Ray: (Coughs).

Steve: OK. We're gonna visit the Duke, we'll be right back after these messages, thanks for listenin'.

They return for the last time after a final visit to The Duke.

Steve: You've been listenin' to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1 with Mr. Glen Matlock and his Philistines. Tracey Ullman, shoppin' and we're gonna go. Shall I come down and see you tonight?

Glen: You should come down and…

Steve: I feel awful mate.

Glen: Yes come down, we'll look after you. Just sit there at the side bit of nice, warm coat, warm coat on, we'll make you a nice cup of tea.

Steve: A nice strawberry milkshake.

Glen: Strawberry milkshake.

Tracey: I'll breast feed you from the side of the stage.

Steve: Can men have milk come out of 'em?

Ray: Yeah.

Steve: No, I'm serious.

Ray: Man milk, it comes out of the front bottom. The stuff you were talkin' about tastin' earlier.

Steve: Oh that's that goldtop it's goldtop though innit that is. That's Goldtop. ("Goldtop" The especially cream laden milk traditionally from a Jersey cow breed, is sealed in a milk bottle with a distinctive gold foil or gold top closure).

Ray: Mines, more like a round-top.

Steve: It's like clotted cream the one that comes out of the front.

Glen: Yours might be clotted mate!

Ray: Then that chocolate milkshake...(?)

Steve: OK. So we're gonna go down and see yer tonight.

Ray: Yeah Knitting…

Steve: Knitting Factory. And I'm 'avin' a week off ain't I? I think so.

Glen: Oi Steve. I would just like to say thanks for comin' in especially for us.

Steve: You're welcome.

Glen: We appreciate that.

Ray: Getting' off yer deathbed.

Philistines: Yes thanks Steve.

Steve: I do what I can, for fellow inductees.

Glen: Inductees, right. Much appreciated.

Steve: You got it kid. We're gonna leave you with… where's the bleedin' song gone? The Greedy Bastards," doin' "Merry Christmas" the jingle-jangle thing. This is Phil Lynott, me and Cookie and a couple of other blokes from Thin Lizzy and I'll see you all whenever I get back. Merry Christmas!

Glen: Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Philistines and Tracey: Merry Christmas.

Steve: Bye, bye everybody!

Tracey: Cheerio.

End of broadcast.

Transcribed, interpreted researched by Chriswasanon with the invaluable help of my good friend Floratina who transcribed the beginning section.

It is an exclusive production for "Kick Down The Doors." Thanks to Steve Jones, who dragged himself in to do the show. To Phil, for the Jukebox transcriptions page. To the Philistines; Koozie Johns, Ray McVeigh, Chris Musto. To Tracey Ullman and her children. Also thanks to Indie 103.1 engineer Mark Sovel, and a very special thanks to Glen Matlock. Happy Birthday Glen!

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